gripes

nearly 2.5 months in my new firm, and i still experience those moments wherein i'd ask myself -- is this where i'm supposed to be? is this really what i want to do?

i bumped into an old college buddy the other day, and we were just catching up on what's new with work, friends, and the like. i found out that he's still with the same outfit which was equivalent to 2 previous jobs already for me. he's quite happy with what he does, and won't even entertain other companies even if there were offers already.

it just got me thinking some more about what i really want to do, and where i eventually want to be. my current stint isn't bad, don't get me wrong. though it's not in the same industry or line that i wanted to be in when i started out in the corporate world. i really hate numbers -- promise. i almost flunked my MS back in 3rd year college, and i even had to take removals to get a pathetic 3.

so, what have i done since then? i used to be in events, then sales, then business development, and now i'm a portfolio analyst. the latter one sounds fancy, i know. it surely does wonders for my CV. well, i basically make sense of numbers, and hopefully find a segment to tap into, or discover what program could be implemented for a particular consumer group. i've yet to have a eureka moment with all the projects i'm juggling now, but hopefully i'll get to claim a successful project as my own.

just the other day, i was being gripe-y over meebo (my damn office computer is so old school, i can't even download any client messenger) and was chatting up with steve about work and random stuff. so after ranting bit, he tells me that i'm experiencing existential angst. hahaha, he still remembered it from his philo class in college.

i tried to look it up, and it seems quite depressing. something than stems from anxiety. so, no steve, i'm not experiencing existential angst. but thanks for the thought :D

maybe i should just take up a hobby, or start a small business on the side to take my mind off these questions. my hubby sometimes tells me that i think too much. hehe, well, that's my character flaw. i just have to deal with it and move on.

when i read up on my friends' blogs, i sometimes wish that i had some story to tell, or some new experience to share. i feel that my life is so boring compared to theirs.

oh well. just deal with it.